we put on a show in the hot tub for our boyfriends, then climbed out and both got down on our hands and knees and puked at the same time--still naked.
using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
Randomize
