she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
We made a water bong out of a wine bottle... Being an architect major finally payed off.
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
My dick looks like crazy bread
pics are now mandatory
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
Things he has managed to cum on so far on spring break: my bikini, my back-up bikini, three of my four bras, two pairs of panties, four beds, six chairs, the floor of several hotel rooms, the window/door to the balcony from both sides, my tits, my face, my stomach, his stomach, my ass, his best friend's girlfriend's face, and his best friend's dick.
Just FYI spring break is over and you're supposed to be back in class but hey sounds like you had your orgy so congrats.
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
I got married tonight..
I'd like to first of all congratulate you on your marriage. Secondly, probably one of the best drunk texts I've ever received. Unless you were sober, then that text was awkward.
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