k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
E drugging s springing. Ease dnt Kate. To t e. ess e I meant thou.
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
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