how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
How'd it feel making her break her religion?
New Years Resolution for 2011 : QUALITY cock. Not quantity.
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
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