Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
Learned my lesson. Pink pantydroppers out of a beer bong=deceiving
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
Tell me when you get here. I'm drinking beer in the bushes next to your house, and I put my hoodie up because I was cold. Pretty sure everyone lowkey thinks i'm homeless.
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
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