Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
i think you ate grass..but you refused to open your mouth so we could see..
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
As my straight cousin I need you to answer a question. Are the Astros a baseball team, and if so, are they good? This is flirting related and time-sensitive.
she's p upset bro
Where is he. I have a sword.
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
jump out the window naked night went bad
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
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