Well I left you a voicemail but you probably won't be able to hear it because my mic is fucked up. I think you need to come down here and take it in for me.
I hate this phone so bad I'm going to lose all of my friends because of it
Yeah...you probably will...
well, you're marked off my christmas card list for next year.
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
I HOPE YOU ENJOY THIS VDIEPO BECAUSE I AMS ENDIONG A LOKT OF EFFORT RECORIDNG IT
I ONLY PARTIALLY KNOW WHAT YOU SAID. BUT I THINK I WILL LIKE IT.
I effort
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
Maybe snorting K off penises isn't healthy
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
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