When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
Nothing like hearing a USA chant while getting head. God bless America.
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
did she really put a helmet on, try to make a hole in the wall then pass out on the floor ten minutes later? if thats true ill be there in 15
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
The object of the game was to pour tequila into a sombrero and drink as much as you can before it leaked through, 'Big Papi' won.
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
No instead we fucked in the elevator.. it was wrong on so many levels..
How tall was the building? Maybe it was only wrong on some of them
I am watching Wayne Gretzky and Alexander oveckhin play video games for charity. What is life right now.
Randomize
