i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
When I try to close my eyes ibwant to puke. Going to the basement to watch pocohantas. That'll keep myeyes open. And puke free.
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
Randomize
