So drunk its hurt
it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
Well I think that's a good thing that I'm not full of someone else.
you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
When you want to head down the cleveland on Sunday?
What time do the bars open? I dont want to remember how bad theyre gonna lose
I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
Also I spent like 2 hours on the hubble/nasa website sunday night looking at pictures of outer space and cried my face off at how beautiful and complex it is. What's wrong with me?!
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
Randomize
