Her body is shaped like a coke bottle...a two liter coke bottle
She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
I imagine the nuva ring like a bug zapper. It just kills them all.
We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
Randomize
