My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
don't worry, your friend will b fine, they treat virgins nicely around here
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
is it bad that im laying on a beach towel in my room with my lights on high pretending to be tanning on the beach in the summer?
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
Randomize
