His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
I mean I'm into guys with money but more into guys I'm actually attracted to
yeah i guess i'd rather he was hot than rich
wow i don't know if that qualifies as growing up but if it does i'm all in
I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
Uhmm, it's called hentai.
I DON'T CARE WHAT IT'S CALLED I DON'T WANT TO SEE IT ON MY WORK COMPUTER
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
Randomize
