i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
SOMEONE WITH THE TWITTER HANDLE "METHLAB" FAVORITED THAT PICTURE
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
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