Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
Just think, if your stepsister would've gotten knocked up 2 years earlier, she could've had a TV show. What a bitch.
Haga you didnt jbsii whee wu an therer
Party on wayne
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
Judging by your snapchat you're totally working on your project and definitely not singing, "The Sign" while shirtless with another man.
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
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