AIM automatically accepts video chats on my laptop. I found this out when I got a text from Jacob after my first attempt at drunk lesbian sex saying, "I'd give it a 7. You need to work on your positioning." I think I'm single now.
note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
I guess wearing a straight up bikini to class is an early indication that Thirsty Thursday has started.
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
I dont know which is weirder.. the fact that i just watched our mom kick ass at beer pong and ride the pole like a true fire girl or the fact that ive never felt closer to her in my life.
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
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