Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
I know...I feel like disliking her as a person on facebook
just ate frosted cheerios in coffee with some marshmellows. the college diet begins
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
That's the only way to watch Gumby. Either age 5 or high.
Randomize