FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
I grinded with the guy who brought the scooter, I'm leaving with success
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
there is glitter all over my balls
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