yeah. and then it was like the room of requirement. the elevator just opened for our threesome.
just used a caramelizing gun to spark a bowl, i don't think today could get much better than this.
guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
I don't remember anything but yelling at the ref in Spanish.
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
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