Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
My feelings for him are donzo molonzo but I can't turn down a pierced penis...
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
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