I molested 6 butterflies tonight
She looks like Robin Williams dressed as a frog.
Omg Kevin Jonas is engaged!!!!!!
Omg really? To who. Gay marriage is only legal in like 3 states.
No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
ttyl tear gas
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
Randomize
