The 3 of us think it's time to start drinking.
3?
Me, myself and I
You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
we made out inside of a kiddie slide for about 20 mins. it was the sexiest, most suffocating experience I've ever had
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
sex on the stairs. not our finest idea.
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
Randomize
