first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
I think my vagina is haunted
I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
ride him like a prized pony all the way to orgasm town.
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
Felt like shit, jerked off, felt ten times better. Being a guy rules. It's like I got all the demons out in 5 minutes.
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
Randomize
