Saw shirtless man with angel wing tramp stamp seen biking in my neighborhood. Considering moving.
I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
im sure we could have fun without alcohol but i just dont wanna chance it...
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
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