i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
So all semester this guy and girl have been talking, and today is the last class and we are doing nothing. I would have skipped but I want to see if he seals the deal or pusses out. It's like a season finale.
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
Too much dab too little lung dying šµšµšµ
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
Randomize
