I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
Also I smoked away my sore throat last night. It's a 420 miracle.
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
I'm sorry I did drugs then got really loud and bitchy at your party and judged your choice in one night stands.
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
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