the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
Why are you taking pics in the bathroom with the plunger? I mean you still look hot and I'm totally going to wack off to it.
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
Randomize
