Angelique from Rock of Love is now doing phone sex commercials for central illinois....id say she's going places.
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
I am putting together a break up mix and its pretty much the best of Phil Collins
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
Well I've always wanted to get head while playing WoW...
K I'll do it, but mine is going to be WAY weirder. Your not allergic to shellfish, right?
Randomize
