It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
I want to be your penis for a week.
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
And it's settled. 10 months is the appropriate amount of time before having the dick pic discussion.
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
Randomize
