1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
margs and chips and queso make the world go round
well and inertia
She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
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