I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
Wanna hang out? my DILF had to dip out for his sons little league game
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
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