i am watching brooke knows best right now and hulk is totally dating his daughter's look a like. it is gross and disturbing.
the most pressuring question is, why are you watching brooke knows best?.
she takes plan B like it's going out of style
I've never known a guy to fuck more random girls in the ass then Dom. His rectal kill ratio is at like 85%
He's like the Derek Jeter of Anal
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
Randomize