dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
he likes ron paul.... that's all i'm going to say....
ASIANS HAVE SEX TOO!! I just watched it happen in the library.
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
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