hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
does he have a tent? the camping kind not the boner kind.
dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
but if we have a President Trump come Tuesday, I might throw myself off the Walt Whitman Bridge so Thursday might not work for me after all.
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
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