She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
Also pencil in smooth jazz and illegal activities. The usual.
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
We learned many a lesson today about drug use in canoes
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
He's throwing Skittles into my cleavage and some are rebounding into my crouch.
Well he's scoring either way then.
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
Randomize
