he fingered my asshole thinking it was my vag...I couldn't bring myself to tell him, mostly from shame for me and pity for him
we were so desperate we resorted to lego blocks. nuff said.
Wow. 8.8 earthquake hit Chile this morning
didn't feel it. :)
It's like 5 thousand miles away of course you didn't.
wait what? so it's not in america?
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
I feel like ass. I'm missing 12 hours of my life and all I have to show for it is an empty wendys bag. Those Shrooms were too much... When do we do it again?
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
So I'm guessing that puking on a camper is a straight path to instant termination?
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
In other news, I had my first sex related injury of the school year so that's cool
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
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