Is it weird that we showed each other our pussy's and pointed out the good and bad things about each others??
Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
Randomize
