Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
We played alot of beer pong and ventured into the woods with tiki torches
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
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