so let's talk penis.
just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
Randomize
