I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
No. I didn't know. I thought mid afternoon shots meant the day could only get better.
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
So he ended up throwing a watermelon that he stole from the cafeteria saying "if i cant have it no one can" of the 5th floor.
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
You know you're getting old when 19 year olds you've met on tinder advise you that you should start looking for a wife and/or the mother of your children
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
By talk things out did he mean have passionate angry sex?
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
Randomize