This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
Dude if it is possible to orgasm from shitting i think it just happened.
turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
trsut me youll find me, im the only kanye west here and every1 is chanting dbag at me
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
I created a photogrid for every picture he has ever sent me of his penis. Now I can see every angle at one time. THIS IS GREAT.
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
Randomize
