I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
well, tey weren't taking lap dances as payment today
if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
Mattress luging...It's a long story.
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
He led me to his room and handed me the remote, he left to go take a shower and there is a group of guys across the hall just staring at me... Its like they know something i dont. Help me.
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
I cant wait to tell our kids we met because you subscribed to my onlyfans.
Randomize
