real busy. everything is packed. thats why we ended up at the strip club
I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
I want you more than these girls want KFC
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
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