Btw, I'm really high so I apologize if anything I say gets translated into arabic.
Girl passed out in class and vomited. Another victim of syllabus week
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
I'm pretty sure I made out with a guy in a man thong.
Carver called his mom a milf again
Was it on purpose this time?
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
Randomize