i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
ron's 8" boning knife is for sale. oh and it comes with a flavor injector.
High?
hahahahaha turkey breast
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
I just watched nsync videos for the past half hour and you could totally tell lance bass was gay in all of them
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
Randomize
