Oh. He liked you.
Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
So if you want this MFM threesome thing to happen the other guy is here and willing
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
I need to sanitize my soul.
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
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