my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
GOVERNMENT SHUTDOWN NO RULES ICE CREAM FOR BREAKFAST woooo!
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
I AM STRANGELY AROUSED BY THIS UNEXPECTED DEVELOPMENT AND I AM COMPLETELY OK WITH THIS.
I gave in, made out with her, and long story short, I'm giving hetero another try.
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
Randomize
