I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
I woke up and my backpack was empty. He used me for sex, and back to school supplies.
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
just saw a kid waiting at the door of the stairs for the elevator. there is no elevator in this building. get on his level.
Randomize
