He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
then he tried to convert me to islam
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
Just streaked campus for a bottle of patron...maybe you're right...I might have a drinking problem...
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
I probably won't go. Last time I got drunk with those guys I just started demanding people let me touch their beards.Then I mocked everyone who didn't have facial hair.
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
Randomize
