I think I won the penis lottery.
Semi hypothetical question. Do you think its physically possible to bruise your clit?
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
I'd say things got weird when I started doing lines of molly in the box.
The family next to you was not pleased
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
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