I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
We need to have an Itty-Bitty Titty Committee mtg somewhere in the range of 5 minutes to ASAP.
a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
im in his phone as 'great ass to tap'
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
Randomize
