I skipped work to stalk him.
I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
They better compete for your attention. Dual to the fuck
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
Got head last night. Had the 3D glasses on the whole time.
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
I've never seen a guy eye-fuck someone so hard in my entire life. I thought he would develop laser vision, bore holes into your body, and not even realize your innards would be spilling everywhere. That's how bad it was.
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
This may be a weird question to ask someone who is 21 years old, but are you grounded?
Ok she stopped using her fork and knife and is legit eating that steak using her hands.
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
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