The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
He yelled IN THE FACE!! while cumming on my face.
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
this islike a room full of reasons why i should be in prison
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
If we accept the love we think we deserve do we also accept the sex we think we deserve?
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
Randomize
