You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
FYI there's a girl here with happy daddy written on her tits
Just come here quick. I'm home in 3min. It will take you literally less than 5 to walk. Then 2 to undress, 16 to fuck, 2 to dress again and 5 to walk back..!!
exactly 16 eh??
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
Randomize
