I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
currently shading my boobs to make it look like i have mass cleavage...thanks art school
I can't wait for paintbang. I'm going to throw a marker at a child. There will be bail money in my backpack in m trunk. Don't use it on beer.
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
We learned many a lesson today about drug use in canoes
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
Randomize
