i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
for real. he might as well bring dogs if they're lower than a 7.
Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
Is all white too much for court to prove my innocents?
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
I am one with the molecules
I mean. I'm excited for the Seahawks too. I just love nachos.
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
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