oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
I wish I could just thrust my cock straight into her new relationship.
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
It’s the biggest dick I’ve ever seen. His IQ drops 25 points when he’s hard because there’s no blood going to his brain
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