So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
You were only speaking with either thumbs up, thumbs down, or high fives haha
Randomize
