I am puke
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
Gays age differently than straights. 29 is like 45 in gay years. Next year I'll be in adult diapers and applying for medicaid.
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
Randomize
