I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
whos cum tastes better, a guy who drinks apple juice or cranberry juice?
You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie.
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
My vagina is very pro this idea
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
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