The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
on a scale of 1-10how much freaking out is acceptable if you just found a (possibly used) cock ring in the head board that your parents gave you?
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
You were trust falling into bushes
You can't just bring up bondage and then stop answering me
Do u believe in the possibility of big foot?
You high??
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
Randomize
