normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
So I wore a corset to school. Fuck laundry.
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
tuscaloosa is terrifying
like people here are just empty shells of drugs and sin
there is no mercy here
I would date him. For 1 month. Just so I could say I was a trap queen for 1 month.
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
Randomize
