i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
I won't be sarcastic... just naked
her face looked like how i feel after Taco Bell
Things you are not allowed to do while im gone: sell cats on ebay, put cats in freezer again, shave cats like lions, dye cats pink/blue, try to light cats on fire to"wake them up from their nap" agian
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
Well I either feel like the fat girl or very accomplished because his bed is now broken in three places
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
Dude, I just masturbated with my cat sleeping on my boobs....
You have GOT to get this crazy cat lady thing under control. I'm finding you a man. And you'll take him, and thank me. After that text, you have no right to be picky.
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