Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
I think he may have called me a bar rat, jokingly. I said i was but in a non-trashy way.
we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
Randomize
