I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
that was a gay-test. you passed.
with flying rainbow colors i hope!
Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
Remember the time we were in the hospital and I wanted to steel the arm restraints and use them as sex toys?? Oh college memories....
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
Randomize
