all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
smell my finger.
I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
Randomize
