So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
With the way things had been going, I was never more excited for a person to cum
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
Naked and Afraid: Hangover edition
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
Randomize
