They are pre-gaming a trip to congress...not sure how politically correct the group is.
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
oh god all I remember is forward rolls down the corridor and all I have to show for it is "fit Romanian guy" saved in my phone
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
Randomize
