You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
he's got a countert top full of yard sale blenders so id say maragita wednesdays is a go.
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
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