So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
Vegas should really enforce the buddy system because if not everyone is going to end up swimming during the water show in front of the Bellagio.
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
My liver just had a heart attack.
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
Remember when there was a happier time when people could all hang out together with out the awkwardness of the fact that she stole $1000 and cheated on a brother with another brother !?!??
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
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