forecast for tonight- shitshow with a chance of tbell
my version of bright and sunny.
I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
Randomize