I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
NO. ANAL IS NOT A GAME.
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
We were banging then all I remember is coming down hard and smashing my top teeth off his forehead. I just rolled off and tapped out. Done-zo
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
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