When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
Randomize
