Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
"Let's chug a beer then make out" doesn't sound as nice, but it would prob make him cum right there.
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
I just want to know how she convinced 6 sober ROTC guys to have an ab contest on a street corner at 2 in the morning.
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
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