I just got back to Nicks and I shoul dnot have drank this much when I have to work at 7AM!!!!!
I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
I am unable to type or say "unprotected, receptive anal sex" with a straight face. clearly, HIV was a poor research paper topic choice.
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
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