Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
Holy shit bill nye is being consulted as an expert on cnn and hes credited as the science guy. What the fuck is the world coming to?
I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
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