FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
I did shrooms last night. My drug checklist is complete, I can finally graduate.
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
We had sex and then ordered pizza after. This relationship is looking good so far.
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
Randomize
