she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
well you're talking about the girl who after 4 years, several relationships and several fuck buddies, has yet to have sex in an actual bed
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
Some guy is here using a taser on people. I'm up next
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
Someone came into our hotel room and took our remote
What should I do?
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
Randomize
