im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
He told me he felt like he shoud say thank you and as a prize i could keep anything from his room that i wanted.
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
Brb crying the tears of my youth
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
Is it bad form to puke out of a dorm window to avoid looking bad in front of the people in your room?
How about from a sixth floor window?
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