The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
names aren't important. just tell him all you want is a lil make out sesh and keep it moving.
we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
Ya it was crazy the power went just as she was about orgasm and the vibrator got fried with the power surge
Giiirrrllll. Back to back snaps of dicks. Two different guys sent me their dick at the same time. This is totally what our founding fathers meant with life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.
It's a novelty for anyone to see a girl like me in a skirt like this milking a cow
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
Please tell me you haven’t left campus yet!!!! I forgot my Hitachi and will not survive Thanksgiving without a steady supply of orgasms
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
Randomize
