I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
Definately laid on the floor of the shower this morning drinking the water as it fell on me.
I just found our entire wall-to-wall from September 2006 printed out and clipped... it's 49 pages. Blackout me is so considerate of bored-at-work me
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
Not exactly hook line and sinker right away, but I'll give him a second chance. I should sext him me in my blue shark onesie.
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
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