I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
But seriously I don't know. I haven't seen her since I gave her back her 3 blind mice stick, and she just started hitting everybody with it.
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
I party with great urgency now.
Randomize
