so... another position just opened up(704) Oh really?(704) Is it John's?(704) Or did you find a new way to take a penis?
i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
She came to college a virgin and left on court order. We ruined her.
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
Left him blackout in the cab, gave 20$ to the cabbie and said drive until the meter said he wasn't getting a tip.
Bangkok has him now.
Randomize