she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
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