And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
Randomize
