Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
Randomize
