I think i peed on brittanys purse
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
I don't care if shes your sisters age. Once someone is on my to do list theres only one way to get them off it
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
Copy that. Decided to shower with a beer in a glass bottle. Gotta stop the bleeding first. Be there is 20
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
Randomize
