Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
On that note; HAPPY 21: THE SEQUEL from the back of an ambulance!!
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
Want a slice of this weekend's hottest piece of ass?
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
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