Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection!
Thanks, mom.
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
She shoved her hand down my pants and held my cock for thirty minutes in the bar. It was like she was letting all the other females know I was hers.
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
After he finished he laid there and told me how much work that just was. I looked at him and told him not to ruin a good thing by opening his mouth.
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
Randomize
