remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
I am full of burrito and curiosity
you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
Nope she woke up in a hotel room alone on 55th street. A guy in a lamborgini gave her a ride this morning. She was walking barefoot home
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
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