He's a fan of Alicia Keys on Facebook. It doesn't NEED to say 'interested in men'.
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
I'm just hitting the tip of the iceberg on accents for this trip...so basically my panties are done for.
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
Where do you think black out memories go?
Into the dark abysmal abyss of the deepest, darkest part of your mind. It's obviously the bodies natural defense to protect you from witnessing the shit you do while actually blacked out.
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
Randomize
