dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
(917) i just came from walking.
haha you just came from walking?
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
Randomize
