Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
i dont know what it is, i just found it in my pants.
she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
help. there is a guy in a bunny costume.
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
Randomize
