i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
She's not a foreskin expert like you
So I got my junk pierced since we've fucked. You should get in on this.
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
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