I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
Wow, So this kid just walked into class, yak'd on his lab partner then runs out. Class is now cancelled. I gotta find this kid and Thank him.
it's sunday funday. and also, who can outslut the other day.
Februarys looking very promising in the vaginal department
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
Randomize
