Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
Oh and discovery of the day is it's the channel, not the time on your cable box. Thought it was 2:16 for 4 hours
her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
Should I get the rainbow boxer breifs???
As your boyfriend, this is a level of gay that even I can't handle.
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
Randomize
