id fuck shawn from boy meets world only if we could name the baby topanga.
he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.
He was gone when I woke up. But he left skid marks on my sheets and our unopened bottle of Titos is missing
New Rule: No more sleepovers with guys we met on Reddit
Randomize
