I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
At barnes & noble, drinking beer out of thermoses, lookin legit.
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
The new google images is a smorgasbord of porn now are plans for tonight are off.
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
I don't understand how these people can do extreme gymnastics and I have problems walking up the stairs.
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
Randomize
